Yeah, life is full of surprises.

Hmm, time for reflection yup?

Let’s see. I’m going through some of my principles in my mind. I guess 2 of the values I hold dearly to would be responsibility and integrity.

Combined with my determination, I realize I am a pretty strong-headed person.

It ain’t just me, it’s feedback I’ve gotten as well. And looking back at a post last year, I realize one of the errors I made was expressing concerns to a wrong party, perhaps the root of all issues.

But oh wells.

Interesting character yeah? Haha.

Thinking through all the issues these days, I realized largely what I was concerned about right from the start. Somewhere in the development of all the ugly happenings, I was too clouded by the events due to a certain Miss who has been providing her ‘assistance’ by sharing a massive amount of internal information. At the same time though, I think my life has been partially ruined. The intention of such an interference? Till now I’m unsure of what can stand as the truth, especially with the increasing number of facts and coincidences I have acquired about Miss.

The issues I guess can be broken up into many parts, which is kind of inconvenient for me to list down currently for they have not been officially resolved. But basically, I guess I could pen down some of the concerns I have. I am certain that there is much speculation within the masses. I understand human’s nature of being curious. (Been there, done that.) All I hope for however, is just that it is done not at the expense of another party. Simply put, I hope there are no rumours about unfounded facts for the extent of the damage I’m certain, can neither be measured, nor repaired.

There are a few things I feel like mentioning:

Integrity is such a vital component to life. Haha, ok maybe to me it’s really important. I guess I was just very naïve. Naïve enough to believe that standing up for the right values would always result in an improved situation. Through this incident though, I have come to terms with the fact that people, even those with high qualifications and fantastic education background still act otherwise. Office politics in this real world was a great eye-opener to me. Life in the real world isn’t that simple after all. Moral values which we acquire at a younger age can be overwhelmed by so many other factors.

This leads me to my next issue - education. Education is something I have always believed to be the simplest thing in life, for I have great passion in studying I would say. Through this experiences however, I realize education is more than just that. Education tied in with a system requires much complicated comprehension. Studies, welfare and most importantly, the planners. Hmm, I guess some comments can be reserved at this point in time (: All I can say is that, I never expected the education system to condone such acts. I always envisioned it as something more, something much more, something I lived to.

Along this line, I encountered human’s nature in greater detail. The most obvious would be one’s defensive nature. Through these interesting characters, I learnt that people are selfish, people collaborate, and people have a side that is unknown (or at least those who I was facing can conceal it fabulously). It was heart wrenching to have someone you looked up to and trusted give you up due to his/her own benefits. Even worse, to the extent of wanting to ‘take revenge’ (as quoted by a certain Miss) and posing danger to you. One thing is certain though, some teachers who are unaware of the flow of the whole issue have formed perspectives and presuppositions about the case, about me as an individual, about my family as a whole. My reputation has been smeared to a certain extent if not tarnished.

However, my conscience is clear. I have not, in any way, asserted that teachers who have landed me in such a dire situation be removed. In actual fact, I have pleaded for them to stay on and for me and the other party to continue to have the opportunity to carry on with the student-teacher relationship. I have evidences on hand. In any case anyone would like to clarify this issue; I will be willing to surface the documents.

Missing school would also cause more speculation. But I’m currently on MC, not feeling very well anyway. Down with flu and stuff.

Hmm, recently I received this email from someone I had regarded as a very close friend. I have been affected by that, but I seriously have no time to deal with the issue considering the larger issue I’m facing currently. There are many points I can refute, in fact, but I just don’t have the energy to do so. And seriously, after being through all these, it doesn’t bother me that much that I’m receiving such an email, it just hurts, but after all, being misunderstood is part and parcel of life.

“Forgive and let live.”

This struck me hard. This was something I had held on to. I am sure I still live by this. To all parties involved, regardless of punishments laid down, I guess the only idea I would like to pass on would be that thanks for letting me realize the “un-simplicity” of life; it hurts to go through all this, but I’m fortunate it came early in my way.

Many people are unaware of my situation and it is not easy for me to put it all in words and to raise the issues. On one hand, it is tiresome and not to mention, painful to review life for the past 4 months. On the other hand, I’ve to consider the reputation of the people/ the institutions involved. Honestly, it isn’t simple and I’m sure it never will be.

Regardless, I will still hold on to my values. I won’t envision to make a large change. That, I feel is not the main issue, neither is it practical. Basically, I guess all that I want in return would be to clarify certain perceptions brought about by the lack of clarification of ideas by certain individuals as well. The consolation I guess would be knowing I made it through this tough experience. At the very least, I played my part in voicing out my grievances as well as the feedback with the objective to improve the whole system. At the very least when I make it through my six years of high school, there would not exist a tinge of regret.

In the end, the decision does not lie purely with me on what can/should be done to remedy the situation. One thing I am certain of that I can do is to continue putting in ef fort in my studies, and strive towards a great future while maximizing my contribution in every single way that I can.

For this, I know, is the only way I am able to live for my dreams. I have to not disappoint everyone around who’s been supporting me.

Here, I would like to express my heart most gratitude to each and everyone of you who has been by my side, especially mum and dad. I’ve put both of you through too much; I’m certain now I will not let you down.

Thank you 504/ my other levelmates for being so concerned and offering me help.

Thank you Mdm A, Mr CS, Mr ST, Mr M, Mr CG, Mr L and many many others for your valuable advice.

Thank you all for recognizing me, as an individual based on my capabilities and trusting me all this while.

Right now, I just want to return to school like a normal kid, carry on with life like a normal teenager.

That’s all I hope for.

God bless.