I wonder how I landed myself in such a mess.
I'm supposed to be strong, girl. I should just stick to my strong outer core.
I feel defeated.
And to think that last year would be the end of miseries.
Don't like feeling this way. I hope I had a choice. The accumulation of all these stuff just leave me hanging on the edge.
Friends.
What's the real meaning of it?
Sorrow perhaps.
I should break free from this fantasy. After all, life's a cruel thing. Everytime I feel like putting my guard down, I feel so at ease. I feel like it was all meant to be that way, but before I know it, there I am treating my wound.
Growing up seemed easy. But now I'm sure it isn't. Though the experiences are worthwhile (: I don't want to end up at the age of 40 and realizing all these sour facts. But perhaps then, the pain would be less severe?
Really hope to turn things back to the start and hold on to my rock wall.
If you had a choice to turn things back, what would you change?
I think the only difference for me would be to learn to protect myself from falling.
But after all, no matter how you revert things, it will never go back to it's original state. Blame it on the second law of thermodynamics, ever increasing entropy. Hahaha, just kidding.
Ah this post looks so messed up.
I just want to say sorry.
Especially to the people who trusted that I could lead my life well.
I fall.
I grow.
I learn.
I live.
Alright, enough of the sorrow, I'm pretty excited for school to reopen actually! Sometimes going back to school keeps your mind off stuff. And it gives me hope, something to look forward too!
For now, I would say it's graduating and moving into early adulthood (:
Suddenly the responsibilities that I've to hold to take charge of my life seems to shine right above me. I'm pretty excited to take on the challenges! (Hope this spirit remains :D)
Yay, looking to improve my skills and knowledge in many areas, and hopefully enter a course that I will not regret in university. I'm thankful of the many opportunities present to me currently!
And so, I want to get back my smile.
The smile which brings out who I am.
Time will close up the wounds I'm sure, even though it will never heal. But thanks for the support my friend.
I'll not let you down mum, dad, grandma, godpa.
I'll find strength on my own.
I'll stand up with my courage.
I'll succeed.
(Tears do not make you weak. They just take your weakness away.)
.jess.